I work down at the pizza pit And I drive an old Hyundai I still live with my mom and dad I'm five foot three and overweight I'm a sci-fi fanatic A mild asthmatic Never been to second base But there's a whole 'nother me That you need to see Go check out my space 'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood I'm six foot five and I look damn good I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate And I love a good glass of wine (Chorus) It turns girls on that I'm mysterious I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious 'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way chat with two women at one time I'm so much cooler online So much cooler online I get home, I kiss my mom And she fixes me a snack And I head down to my basement bedroom And fire up my Mac In real life, the only time I've ever even been to LA Was when I got the chance with the marching band To play tuba in the Rose Parade But, oh, online I live in Malibu I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ I'm single and I'm rich And I got a set of six pack abs that will blow your mind (Repeat Chorus) It turns girls on that I'm mysterious I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious 'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way chat with two women at one time I'm so much cooler online Yeah, I'm cooler online When you got my kind of stats, it's hard to get a date Let alone a real girlfriend But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight Everytime I log in Online I'm out in Hollywood I'm six foot five and I look damn good And even on a slow day I can have a three way chat with two women at one time I'm so much cooler online Yeah, I'm cooler online Hey, I'm so much cooler online Yeah, I'm cooler online