Don't smoke, don't fight, don't light no cigarettes Or else you'll wind up in the can No jokes, no rights, sit tight don't fool around You are a guest of Uncle Sam Stand up, look right, don't slouch and stand at ease Allow no sex above the knees When I snap, you jump into the master plan I'll be damned Well I'll be damned I'll be damned if I drink or smoke Damned if I steal your joke I'll be damned if I go for broke Damned if I do Damned if I don't Don't talk, don't fool, don't try to mess around I'll make a monkey outta you You sign your name right on that dotted line, boy I'll be damned I'll be damned if I drink or smoke Damned if I steal your joke I'll be damned if I go for broke Damned if I do And damned if I don't, yeah Come on I'll be damned if I drink or smoke Damned if I steal your joke I'll be damned if I go for broke I'm damned if I do I'm damned if I don't I'll be damned if I drink or smoke Damned if I steal your joke I'll be damned if I go for broke I'm damned if I do I'm damned if I don't I'll be damned I'll be damned I'll be damned I'll be damned I'll be damned I'll be damned