Backside melts into a sofa My world, my TV, and my food Besides listening to my belly gurgle Ain't much else to do Yeah, I sweat a lot (Mm-mm, oh, aw shit, ahh) Pants fall down every time I bend over And my feet itch Yeah, I married a scarecrow I hate you Talking to myself Everybody's staring at me I'm only bleedin' Someone taps me on the shoulder every five minutes Nobody speaks English anymore Would anybody tell me if I was getting stupider? I hate you Talking to myself You don't feel it after awhile You take the beating And I'm a swingin' guy Throw a belt over the shower curtain rod And swing Toss me inside a Hefty And put me in the ground A drink needs me I don't I ain't about to guzzle no tears So kiss my ass Newscasters and cockroaches and desserts I hate you Talking to myself Everybody's staring at me I'm only bleedin' Where are the kids? Maybe getting pregnant or on drugs or on welfare On top of the world on the honor roll, parole and re-runs Dodgers on the backs of milk cartons On stakes in the middle of cornfields On covers of future history books on old lady's mantles Walkin' on water, nailed on crosses I think it's time I had a talk with my kids I just tell 'em what my daddy told me You ain't never gonna amount to nothin'