In Different Ways

I can see it in your eyes girl That you're in the mood for love So I light some candles, pour some wine Come sit down on the rug But there's something I must tell you, babe Before we take this step Something about me girl That you do not know yet I have no penis It was torn off In a bicycle accident In nineteen ninety nine I also lost one testicle So all I have is a weird uni-ball And a rubber tube, between my legs But babe, I can love you in different ways I'll make love to you with the rubber tube That I use for urinating I'll just tape two Popsicle sticks around it Make it easier for penetrating And having only one ball Isn't always a bad thing It's like a pool ball in a pillow case It's like a cherry on a sundae 'Cause girl I have no penis I have no cock If it looks like I have a ball Just 'cause I stuff it with a sock Girl, I know that you're afraid But I promise, baby, if you stay I'll put a cucumber in the microwave And babe, I will love you in different... ...ways Just because I don't have a cock It doesn't mean I can't rock Just because I don't have a cock It doesn't mean I can't rock Just because I don't have a cock It doesn't mean I can't rock Don't be fooled by my lack of a cock I'm still Johny from the block O-o-oh yeah